Saturday, March 04, 2006

Lunch pass, Playing dressup, Headache... hmm...

The day started out with a nice big 400cc barf that contained last night's dinner. Then it got much better. Denise got to come home on another two hour pass and ate lunch with us. She played "dress-up" with Gracie, and here's the picture to prove it. Gracie asked mommy if she had a "married" dress, so I got it down out of the garage, where it has been stored since the cleaners put it into a nice box to preserve it about eight & a half years ago. Denise was excited that she was still able to fit into the dress (and it's even loose right now). We will also get to hang out as a family tomorrow, as I found out that Denise will get one more pass. She wants to go to church tomorrow morning. That'll be the first time in over seven months, so that's a big milestone.
Yesterday and today I noticed that Denise has been the most animated I've seen or heard her lately. Of course, she was excited about coming home for two hours yesterday and today. Tonight she was telling me about all the things she wants to do and big plans she's making (because, she says, she knows she's going to live and excited about it). There are house projects, getting the kids to college, buying a house, dealing with a funeral for Daniel, and several other things that seemed a bit lofty and overwhelming to me at the moment. I'm just getting by day-by-day, it seems. At one point, she said she was getting frustrated by hearing me talk. Yay... things are back to normal married life! I jest. She said she felt like she had to tell me "the truth" about what she was thinking, but had a hard time articulating what she meant. She also said she had a headache come and go during a fairly short time tonight. That headache, coupled with her enthusiasm and some of the things she was focusing on, reminded me a little bit of when she had her seizure back in November. Tonight she was nowhere near as manic, nor obsessing on a topic as she was during that seizure a few months ago. But it still raises a little yellow flag of concern and uneasiness in my mind. So please add that to the liver function on your prayer "to do" lists.
The purpose of this site is to focus on Denise's progress and concerns. But I'll take a moment to yap about me. Over the last few months, many people as how I'm doing personally after they ask about Denise. It's been hard to be around enough & maintial some noramalcy & serenity amid the storm for the kids, be an advocate for Denise, learn tons of info that's outside my line of work, do the everyday things, and it's been especially tough once going back to work was added back into the mix. Not that they're putting upon me, but my folks are really going through it, too (hoping to sell their house, dad's bad off with cancer). In answer to how I'm doing, I guess that I'm hanging in there, usually by my fingernails. Several of the stafflings at my school have been dealing with severe illnesses or deaths of parents. My school has been like a family for the twelve years I've worked there, so that's been another area where my concerns lie. Sleep is an elusive thing lately. I took half a sleeping pill so I could get a short nap this afternoon, and it was glorious. I forgot to mention last night, but *every* night for the last week, I've only been able to get three or four hours of sleep... either one of the kids was crying, or crawls into bed and kickboxes me in the middle of the night, or I just wake up and can't get back to sleep. Then morning comes too early. Under normal circumstances, I'm a morning person. Usually when I hit the rack, I'm sleeping within about half an hour. Someone once told me that when Denise finally starts to really get better fast, then I'll likely collapse and start having stress-related problems (like I didn't since July?). Anyway, I just wonder if this is part of an implosion. So in your pulling for my wife, save some pull for little ol' me, too.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two beautiful and happy ladies. Love those smiles. Phil...I hope you know that everyone includes you in their prayers. Your burden has been great...extremely so as you have had to shuttle between Denise's sick bed and trying to keep a normal routine for Gracie and Jacob. I, for one, admire you greatly. Your stamina and love for your family and Christ are an example for all of us. You are doing a a remarkable job, just keeping this blog going for all of us...takes much of your time. The highlight of my day is reading the latest message and viewing the pictures. Keep your chin up. Normalcy is returning. God is answering your prayers daily and He is watching over YOU too.

March 04, 2006 11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Phil, the stress you are under is great, but our God is Greater!! We hope you know that you are "buoyed up" daily in our prayers. In some ways now, this is much harder for you than Denise, but God will see you through. The "married dress" photo brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. A little glimpse of a return to normalcy--mommy and daughter playing dress-up. I, for one, am amazed that you are able to do all that you do, but then, I also know that it is He who is in you!!

March 05, 2006 7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't have anything new to add to what the previous two posters said, other than to echo the same sentiments. I have been and will continue to pray for you right along with Denise.

March 05, 2006 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sure I speak for everyone who appreciates the time you take to keep people informed through your blog, that we are all praying not just for Denise, but for you and your children and both of your families as well. The strain on all of you over these past months has to be tremendous, and you all need and deserve our prayers!!

The pictures from the past few days are wonderful. Denise and Gracie look so incredibly happy!! What a transformation. Praise God for all that he continues to do.

You need to give yourself some time to decompress once Denise is home and life is back to "normal." You have gone through a lot too, and have to remember to take care of you so you can continue to take care of your family.

March 05, 2006 1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There has not been a prayer uttered that didn't include you in it Phil. We know that you are having a rough time and I thank you for being so vulnerable on this blog for helps us know how to pray for you. We love you, and wish we could physically hold you up.

The argument often is about stay home moms that we need some time for ourselves once in a while, so that we can feel normal and not have to take care of anyone else, even for 30 minutes. It is amazing what 30 minutes can do for anyone. In your case, you are taking care of much more than that, so I encourage you to MAKE that time for yourself, even in that crazy schedule that you have. (And I'm not talking at 4 in the morning) You need it, your body needs it, and your kids need it...go to the gym?
Love, Rachel

March 05, 2006 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Rachel. Even though it may seem imposable you HAVE to make some time for you. Take a break just for you. That break will help you to be able to continue dealing with ALL that is on your plate right now!

You are in my prayers!!
P.s. I just spent an hour on the phone with Denise She sounds wonderful!

March 05, 2006 1:46 PM  

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